Friday, 09 June 2017

The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 9 June

The Lady's lovable office dog tells all

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle
This morning I woke with a feeling of something not being right. I’m a hound, and we’re really good at detecting when things are not right – and things weren’t. Our fridge freezer had defrosted itself and there was quite a lot of mess coming out of the door. Thankfully I was able to do my bit by scoffing down the ice cream trail that was crossing the floor. Why did it take me all this time to taste raspberry ripple? And can anyone tell me where I can get some more from?

I’ve been trying to work on Duffle’s ‘emotional skills’ – it’s something I heard on the radio. The expert explained that some dogs, mostly male dogs (no surprise there) are ‘switched off’ to their inner feelings. I think that Duffle is just ‘switched off’ to me but I am persevering. So far, I have managed to sneak in two cuddles while he has been too tired to notice and yesterday I chewed through his lead so he wasn’t able to leave the house.

Occasionally doggies do odd things, like Rolo The Labrador, who was on holiday with his family in Devon and decided to jump off the cliff. He smelt something down on the beach apparently. His panic- stricken family had called the coastguard and they scaled down the cliff, finding Rolo trapped in a bush halfway down. The coastguards said that if any dogs do that, humans should never, ever try and rescue them themselves as it can end in tragedy and nine times out of ten the dogs are fine. I would never jump off a cliff of course – I can barely jump off the sofa.

IMG 6806Duffle is 'switched off'

I’ve been asking for weeks for someone, anyone, to take me to Bow Wow, a posh pet parlour, where smart city girls get their hair and nails done. They can also get a full body scrub too. I haven’t had my hair done in such a long time. It’s embarrassing. And no, a wash in the sink with some Fairy Liquid is not good enough.

There was a maddening story in the newspapers today about a place called the Blue Jin Bakery and Café in Japan that has designed a loaf of bread to make cat lovers very happy. They’ve called it Ironeko Bread (Neko is the Japanese word for ‘cat’). The owner says that it tastes sweeter than normal bread. This is because the flour is kneaded in hot water, which gelatinises the starches to ‘draw out more of their inherent sweetness’. It’s sold in packs of five slices for a whopping 350 yen (£2). That’s almost £1 for just one sandwich and that’s before you’ve even put any filling inside. Naming no names, there are some people here at the office who think it’s a wonderful idea. One is even thinking of going to Japan just to buy some. Purr-lease…

See you next week! Instagram @missdarcybustle

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