Friday, 19 May 2017

The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 19 May

The Lady's office dog tells all

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle
This morning it was decided that I would get my IQ tested. This was never mentioned in my interview and I am now a little anxious about what it means. In fact, I don’t even know what IQ means – spelling is not my strong point. The editor says that I will be asked a series of questions from a book called Test your Dog. It includes questions about whether I can recognise facial expressions. And if I can perform tricks – both inside and outside. Really? Is this even legal? Is there a book called Test your Boss? If so, I need to find it.

Although Duffle and I live together, I have come to realise that he doesn’t think of me as anything special. I think he has also had his nose put out of joint because ever since I had kennel cough as a little puppy I’ve been allowed to sleep in the bed while he still has to sleep on the rug on the floor. Neither of us ever sleeps in any of the baskets laid out for us, although I do give them a chew if I’m passing. If I try to hug him, which I do frequently, he just freezes like a stone waiting for me to give up and go away. He says it’s nothing personal, but who does he think he’s kidding? He doesn’t seem to mind when Flora the Cairn down the road throws herself at him. Floozy.

IMG 6720No hugs wanted

I am in the dog house. This afternoon I went to a cricket match and somehow I managed to eat most of a chicken pie that had been laid out for the cricketers’ tea. To be fair, I hadn’t noticed anyone else wanting to eat it, but as the captain’s wife told me through gritted teeth, that was because they were still out on the field. I don’t think I’ll be allowed to go back. It’s a shame, because the pie was delicious and I was rather hoping for some more.

I had to knuckle down to some work today and try to focus on being a Junior Newshound rather than what the editor calls ‘a flighty little thing with no concentration’. But she’s wrong, I do concentrate. For example, I spend lots of time keeping an eye on the door to see if anyone is approaching with treats, and Kath and Andrea say that I am doing so well at ‘researching’ my bones I could take up a new career as an archaeologist.

An invitation arrived today for the International Cat Care awards, which will be held at the Kensington Roof Gardens, a place that’s famous for its pink flamingos. Isn’t that a bit like putting the cat among the posh pigeons?

See you next week! Instagram @missdarcybustle

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