Dear Patricia Marie,

I have been married to a lovely man (who I have known for over 15 years) for over 3 years, and together for 6 years before that, although I was away at university for 3 years, during which time he stayed loyal vowing to wait for me to complete my studies, which he did.

The year after I returned from uni we bought a house together. Life was wonderful. We both had good jobs, and financially we were comfortable. We got married, had lovely holidays, and a great social life.

Recently I had to take on more hours at work, including night shifts, which meant we didn't see much of each other. I employed a male member of staff to ease my workload, and shortly after he shocked me by dumping his girlfriend and stating he had feelings for me.

I was spending a lot of time with him, more so than my husband, and my feelings for him have grown stronger, and we have shared kisses, and recently spent the night together when I said I was at work. His ex-girlfriend has started phoning our house, leaving messages asking when I'm going to tell my husband what's going on.

I've fallen in love with my work colleague, but not sure he's worth leaving my husband for, even though my life with him has become dull and boring. What should I do?

Patricia Marie says...

Your marriage was good when you were financially secure, enjoying holidays and having a good social life. You are now working long unsociable hours, spending less time with your husband, maintaining life with him is dull and boring.

A successful marriage is not just about sharing the good times, but dealing with the difficulties life brings and bonding from such experiences.

Rather than deal with the problems in your relationship, it was easier for you to fall into the arms of another man who could offer you some escapism.

You say you love this man. I would like you to consider your perception of love. Is it someone who gives you the excitement you crave, or the one who shows loyalty and commitment your husband displays, who you describe as being a "lovely man" and not sure the other man is worth leaving him for.

I believe you may have found your own answer. If you feel you do want a chance to save your marriage, it would be really helpful to spend some quality time with your husband, work on the relationship together and decide how you can make things better between you.

Got a dilemma, please email
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In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows
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