Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email

New Year Problem

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Monday, 04 January 2016
Dear Patricia Marie

New Year is a difficult time for me. My wife told me about an affair she was having with my best friend last year on New Year's Eve. She admitted it wasn't a good time to tell me, but couldn't go into another year unhappy and wanting to be with this other man. They are still together and I hear from a reliable source that they are very happy, which hurts me very much, as I have not only lost my wife, but my best friend too. I have tried to move on with my life, but nothing feels the same. I don't know what to do.

Patricia Marie says...

I am so sorry for your loss, made particularly worse for you because of your wife choosing to leave you for your best friend. When you lose someone important to you, it is natural to feel sad; that is an essential part of the recovery process. The problem with broken-hearted people is that they often relive their misery over and over again and the pain becomes a mental habit. This habit can and must be broken. A good start is to break connections. Don't listen to idle gossip, as what you don't know, can't hurt you. Turn off the music that reminds you of your ex, and make your home look and feel different from when you lived there together.

Take up a new hobby or activity, which will help create new friendships with common interests. Making changes isn't just about leaving the past behind, but also about embracing the future. However painful this may seem, this could enable you to move on with your life in a positive productive way. Your negative association with the New Year is understandable, but next year you will feel stronger, and you could plan to do something enjoyable on that New Year's Eve, which will help dilute emotions surrounding this time of year. And finally, believe that you can love again. There are many people who have had their hearts broken only to find even greater happiness with another. I wish you a very happy new year and hope 2016 becomes a memorable one for all the right reasons.

I recommend you read: How To Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn
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