Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email

My daughter is beside herself with grief at the news of One Direction splitting

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 28 August 2015
Dear Patricia Marie,
I am very worried about my 14 year old daughter since the recent news of the impending split of One Direction. She is completely obsessed with them and is now beside herself with grief. Her bedroom is adorned with a huge mural of them, she has One Direction bed linen, curtains, calendars, books etc. She has idolised them since the band were first formed a few years ago, and I just don't know how to deal with her. I do remember how I myself felt when Wham and Bros split, but I don't remember feeling anything like her depth of anguish.

How can I help her come to terms with the news?

Patricia Marie says...

Millions of fans were left heartbroken on hearing the announcement that One Direction are splitting up. Reacting to the break up of a band can feel similar to the end of a relationship or another loss. Grieving fans cope in different ways. Some may sulk or have a good cry. Others could even resort to self-harm or use other destructive ways to cope. Being a fan of any celebrity gives passion and a sense of belonging. It can be exciting to look at their photographs, watch their interviews, follow their tweets and see them perform, making you almost feel part of their lives, which is why this news is so hard for traumatised fans to accept.

Your daughter might find it difficult to concentrate, and may be very tearful or anxious at the moment, finding it hard to think about anything else other than One Direction. If she has never experienced loss before, she could feel overwhelmed. Alternatively, if she has, the band's split may reignite the emotions she felt at that time.

Be careful not to dismiss or minimise your daughter's feelings. Encourage her to talk to you, as this will create an opportunity for her to explore her emotions. Listen, and share how you felt when your idols split, and you may be reminded that your feelings then were actually very similar to hers now. Help her to understand she will feel sad for a while, but that her low mood will soon lift when she becomes more accepting of the situation. It would also be a good idea to encourage your daughter to talk to other fans, as she will gain much strength and comfort from those experiencing the same heartache.

As a fan, she has contributed to the band's success, and even after they split, she can still continue to support them by following the respective lives of each member. It won't be the end of the individuals, just the band. Tell your daughter how brave they are splitting at the height of their fame. Ask her to be happy for them, to wish them luck and look forward to seeing what they can produce as solo artists in the future. Remind her that it may be the end of the group, but her memories of One Direction and their music will forever remain.
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