Hello Patricia Marie,

I was thrilled to see The Lady now has an Agony Aunt, and wondered whether you would be able to help me...

My boyfriend of 3 years seems very different lately and I feel he may be having an affair. I absolutely adore him and don't know how I would cope if I found this to be true.

He frequently comes home late and is unavailable on his phone. He is far more appearance conscious lately, buying himself new clothes and wearing aftershave.

Also our sex life has dwindled so that I feel I am pushing him to make love to me and he keeps saying he is too tired. What should I do?

Patricia Marie says...

From the contents of your letter, I take it you haven't approached your boyfriend with regards to your suspicions or challenged the change in his behaviour. If this is the case, he may be under the impression you are accepting of this and have no idea of your concerns.

Have you avoided confronting him, because you may not want to hear what he has to say? Or is it that if he confesses to you there is someone else, the situation then becomes real?

Until you talk to him about how your feeling, be honest and open up to him, you won't be able to move forward with this.

Listen to what he has to say, it may be that he is not being disloyal at all.

You seem to have drifted apart, taken each other for granted, which is typical of many relationships when there is no communication. When this happens, couples don't recognise each other anymore.

You say you adore him, so whatever the outcome, wherever it has gone wrong, if you both feel this relationship is worth saving, you can start to work together towards a more positive future.

If you feel you may need some professional help, ask him to go with you to Relate (relate.org.uk) for few sessions with a counsellor, am sure this would prove helpful.

Got a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows
Email: patriciamarie@tenharleystreet.co.uk
Telephone number: 020 7467 8389