Dear Patricia Marie,

I feel that I am almost giving up on the gentleman species. I am thirty going on fifty! The type of men that I seem to meet are not worthy of me and appear to have no future prospects, I have even lowered my standards due to the lack of response. I seem to attract the useless, uncaring, selfish, non-committal man. About me, my friends tell me I'm very attractive, interesting and reliable. I hold a good position at work where I am valued and appreciated... Why can't this extend to my personal life...??!! Please help me.

Patricia Marie says...

You say most of the men you meet are not living up to your expectations, and considering giving up trying to find a partner. Yet, you believe by accepting less out of life, there is more chance of success. Lowering standards displays low self-esteem, which is why you are attracting the unfavourable type not worthy of you. These negative beliefs can arise from bad experiences, or not being valued or understood. In order to love someone, you must be able to love and respect yourself.

Seeing you for who you really are allows your colleagues to show unconditional respect and acceptance, which gives you confidence within your work environment. This can be extended to your personal life if you learn to see yourself in a positive light. Check out the Mind Website ( where you will find useful tips on increasing self-esteem.

To improve your chances of finding a suitable partner, I would also suggest joining a reputable dating site, as well as embarking on some new hobbies or interests, all of which will enhance your social life, and will help gain your confidence and self-worth.

This Valentines day, do remember, whilst you may be without a partner, there are plenty of Valentines days in a lifetime, and many possible people with whom you could eventually fall in love with. Don't make the day about loneliness, make it about love, and even if you are single, perhaps treat yourself to a gift you would like to receive and very much deserve.

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In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows