Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email

Am I being selfish and unreasonable?

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 06 March 2014
Dear Patricia

My best friend has just had a baby at the age of 46. Both of us have grown up children and have shared so much together.

However, the thoughts of going through the baby years again with her fills me with horror, and would make me feel I would be going backwards, not forwards with our friendship.

I have met up with her a handful of times since she has had her new born and am ashamed to say, I am getting no pleasure from her company and find we now have little, if anything in common.

I try to keep in contact by telephone, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to engage in conversation with her as she is constantly pre-occupied with the baby.

Do you think I am being selfish and unreasonable?

Patricia Marie says...

Friends who are alongside us during our life stages are special to us because we share valuable experiences together, which become a huge part of our memories, and that applies whether we are young carefree students, newly married, and if we have babies, young children or teenagers.

We support each other through all the stress, pain, celebrations and happiness life can bring.
Once your own children grow up, you don't want to be having a meaningful conversation interrupted by a young infant, so I can understand your feelings of frustration and impatience with your friend. However, it seems sad to turn your back on decades of friendship because of this.

Whilst we can feel safe having friends with the same interests and goals, it can also bring some freshness, intrigue and excitement to a friendship when two people have different things going on in their lives.

Could you suggest you and your friend meet when the baby can be looked after? I'm sure your friend will appreciate some quality time out, and appreciate a welcome relief from baby talk, but when she does, compromise and be ready to listen . This will help rebond your special friendship. Also, just think,  one day you may have a grandchild and your friend may be the best possible person to have on call.

Got a dilemma, please email 
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows
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