Friday, 10 February 2017

The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 10 February

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle
This morning a lady on the bus patted me on the head and told me that I was a bit ‘smelly’. She said she meant it in a nice way. Is there really a nice way to tell someone they pong? How can I be blamed for being a bit smelly when my little legs are only an inch and half from the grubby pavement? And those pavements are in a city that is very grubby indeed. If only people could see the amount of chewing gum on the stones, they might wonder how we all don’t end up glued to the ground. Still, I did feel a bit sad and wanted to cry.

When I got home last night I had a lovely long bath and swam around with some wind-up ducks that I borrowed from the editor’s own collection. It was heavenly, and I quite forgot that I was there to get over my smelliness. My doggy paddle is very impressive, although I am not sure that it would be that good in open waters. Certainly, when I went down to St James’s Park for a walk this afternoon I resisted running in to the pond after the real ducks. They are a lot bigger than the ones in the bath at home. And a lot less friendly.
DARCYNo longer pongy (for now)

Apparently Prince Harry’s new girlfriend Meghan Markle may be planning to bring her two rescue dogs, Guy and Bogart, over for a stay in London. They might even come to live here. How exciting! I could (literally) run into them in St James’s Park. According to Thomas Blaikie, the Queen used to pull on an old mac and a headscarf and take Susan, her corgi, for a brisk stroll unnoticed. Maybe Harry and Meghan will take up incognito jogging with her dogs round ‘my’ duck pond. Jogging with your dog is very popular now, although not in our office thankfully.

A reader rang the office to tell me that I should be very careful around lilies. That her little kitten had been playing with some on her hall table – naughty – and had ended up with lily poisoning. He suddenly slumped into a near unconscious state and was rushed to the vet’s where they only just managed to save him. I don’t think our cat at home, Lulu Guinness, has ever tried to eat flowers. She doesn’t seem to like anything that is too girly. Last night when I got home she was munching her way through a poor little mouse that had made the mistake of trying to scuttle across the deck in the garden. Just as she was finishing it off she looked up at me as if to say: you next.

Melonie and Kath told me I had done very well helping with the pets travel special, Paws On Tour. Even Lee in design said that my input was ‘inspirational’, and perhaps we might go away somewhere together? Is that a proposal?

See you next week! Instagram @missdarcybustle

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