Subscribe to feed Viewing entries tagged love

I am having an affair with my best friend's husband

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 20 November 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,
 
I have done something unforgivable and I feel so bad about it. I am having an affair with my best friend's husband.
 
It started in April and I want to finish it, but he is my soul mate. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I can't stand the worry of my friend finding out. I know she would be devastated if she knew, but I just cant help myself.  I have been on my own for a year or so, and the three of sometimes go out together.  I knew he was keen on me, but it was me who instigated the affair.
 
I love him so very much. Should I just carry on seeing him and act like nothing is happening, or should I tell my friend and ruin our friendship?

Patricia Marie says...

Women do tend to believe they are in love when they have an affair.  Men can be more opportunistic, but women need to feel more emotionally engaged - and the effect can be devastating.

You say this man is your soul mate, but the reality is what sort of man has an affair with his wife's best friend? If he means what he says about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, why have you not run off into the sunset together?

Many mistresses wait forever for their lovers to leave their wives, and when forever never comes, they are left heartbroken. How do you know your not just a bit of escapism for him - just a bit of fun?  It may not be the first time he's had an affair and promised his mistress the world.

If your friend did find out about the affair, there's every chance your lover would go running back to his wife, and you'd be left with nothing. I urge you to find the strength to end this relationship before this situation becomes destructive. Consider shifting your energy into finding your very own man, rather than waste your time on somebody else's. We can't help who we fall in love with, but everyone is worth more than being someone's mistress.

However, if you two are genuinely in love, then he should do the decent thing and tell his wife, who deserves to know her husband has cheated on her and her best friend has betrayed her.

You need to be sure he's worth it because you are set to lose your best friend forever.



Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.



In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Smelly breath and prickly whiskers

Posted by Nanny Knows Best
Nanny Knows Best
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 18 September 2014
My nanna had whiskers and grandpop halitosis (or was it the other way around that my four-year-old self recollects?) and yet we all loved our cuddles. Aunty A had far too many rolls of blubber I felt suffocated by her hugs. Uncle T smoked smelly pipes and his moustache was itchy when he kissed me on the cheek.

Everyone has memories as a child of being made to give a hello and goodbye kiss or a hug to adults who weren’t always particularly palatable.

And now the politically-correct crowd advocate that kiddies should wave or high five instead, as apparently physical contact could be blurring the boundaries of appropriate behaviour.

“Encouraging children to be in control by blowing a kiss as an alternative could help children learn that their bodies are their own to avoid future sexual exploitation”, says Lucy Emmerson, coordinator of the UK’s Sex Education Forum.

Yes we must protect our children and educate them about sexual advances and inappropriate behaviour but do we then sterilise them to the degree they will miss out on the warmth and love of human touch? The repercussions for the latter are too great to dismiss so easily with a handshake.

So talk to your children. Find out what they don’t like about a person and listen to their opinions and concerns. If it’s not too awkward to have a chat with the adult in question, then do it too.

Associate Professor Marylou Rasmussen, a Monash University sex education researcher in Australia, highlights the need to have conversations with primary school children about what is appropriate when it comes to physical contact with adults.

“It’s not okay to kiss a teacher, but if it’s a cousin of aunty and it’s not sexual then I don’t see why there is any concern at all.”

From my extensive experience previously as a child and with over twenty years of working with them, I know that a hug and a kiss help heal a scraped knee, get you a sweetie from granny, and make the world a safe and happier place. OK, a little bribery might sometimes be necessary but isn’t negotiation already an aspect of relationships?

My husband is insensitive

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 28 August 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

My husband spent his early 20s working away in the states doing all kinds of jobs, and he still describes that period as the best days of his life. I find that so insulting since he's now married to me and we have two lovely children. Recently we were at a party when he started bragging about his US years and I just lost it. How do I make him understand how insensitive he's being. He also tells our friends at any given opportunity that he has always popular with the women and hasn't lost his charm. How dare he make such comments. I do love him, but am beginning to think he's not the man I married which is causing me to resent him. I do not think he deserves me or our beautiful children. My friends think he is a joke which is very embarrassing for me. Please can you offer me some advice.

Patricia Marie says...

A relationship shouldn't be a battle to see who has had the best experiences, and it can be difficult to live with someone who gives the impression they have seen and done it all.  Sometimes for whatever reason when things aren't going right, people look back on the past with rose tinted-spectacles.  The need for your husband to convince you that others think so highly of him, is a sign of insecurity, and by shifting it and projecting it to you, he is reassuring himself. He is covering up his lack of confidence by displaying unacceptable behaviour, typical of the sort of person who values themselves so little they're always afraid there not loved. The only way to work through such anxiety is to work on self-esteem. Counselling will help, but first, he needs to admit he has a problem which may not be easy.

You need to have a proper chat, make it clear that you're not a jealous person but his trips down memory lane are wearing you down. How would he like it if you were constantly reminiscing about the fun times you shared with your friends? Discuss what you can both do to enhance your relationship. Whilst working hard to bring up a young family you can sometimes lose sight of each others needs as a couple. Make some special time for each other, so you can both feel loved and appreciated. Hopefully your husband will begin to see he cannot continue to act in this way, as he could risk losing the life he has now. Memories are precious but the past cannot be allowed to intrude on the present.

Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Should I call off my wedding?

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 24 July 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am feeling really scared and don't know what to do. I am due to be married in three weeks' time and having doubts about going through with the ceremony.

I have been with my fiancé for five years, we became engaged last year, only because it seemed the right thing to do. Although I care for him I am not in love with him, and feel like running away.

The truth is if I marry him, it will be for all the wrong reasons, but at the same time, I cannot break his heart which I shall do if I call it off. The wedding is costing a fortune of which my parents have helped contribute to, and we will be set to lose the lot if I were to cancel at such short notice. I cant sleep, am feeling miserable and very panicky. I haven't told anyone about how I am feeling as everyone is looking so forward to the celebrations.

I have recently met a man at work who I have become very close to, he wants to take me out and makes me feel like an excited teenager, unlike my fiancé who I feel we have now become more like sister and brother. Please help me, I don't know what to do.

Patricia Marie says...

If you find yourself having doubts before your wedding, does that mean you definitely must not get married? No - but you should pay attention and talk to the man you are marrying. The chances are he would have picked up on your emotions and by opening up it may help to re-bond the relationship.  Understandably, many women approaching their wedding day have doubts if they are making the right choice. After all, it's one of the biggest decisions of our lives. You say you're not wanting to break your fiancé's heart by calling of the wedding, but considering going ahead and to marry under false pretences would be far worse.

The man you have met at work is new and exciting, as is any new flirtatious liaison. If you were to remember your first meeting with your fiancé, feel sure he would have made you feel the same way. It would be acceptable to cancel the wedding if you really were having serious doubts, but don't risk losing a good man just because a more exciting one has come on the scene.

It takes more than love to have a successful marriage, its about displaying mutual admiration, respect, including supporting and caring for each other and most importantly being friends, as without friendship love can easily fade.

You need to ask yourself, how would it feel to be without this man you have been with for five years. Sometimes we can't see what we have until its gone.

Has the intimacy wained slightly because of the pressures of the wedding planning? If so, this can be worked at by remembering the good times you have shared.

Finally, the huge cost involved if you were to cancel is not the reason to embark on the biggest commitment of your life. You owe it to your parents to be honest, and however shocked or upset they seem, once you share your fears with them, your problem will be halved and things made clearer.

It wont be easy, but I urge you to explore your situation very carefully, before making any life changing decisions.


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Googling

Posted by Nanny Knows Best
Nanny Knows Best
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Wednesday, 16 July 2014
Last week I had one of those “times have really changed” moments when ten year old Tommy asked if he could google some important information.

Intrigued, I asked him to explain what was SO important that he could only find on google.

There’s a boy in my class who likes a girl in my class and he wants to find out how to get her to like him. He can’t google at home because his mum will find out so he asked me”.

Restraining bewilderment, suppressing all out laughter, and with the composure of my inner professional Nanny V, I had to enquire why a ten year old would imagine that google could provide more helpful information than his mum, his tutor, or me, females who know precisely what a girl likes and wants from a boy.

Tommy: “Oh Nanny V, you are SO old fashioned. Google knows everything”.
Me: “Oh Tommy, you have SO much to learn about life that google and computers could never teach you”.
Tommy: “Like what?
Me: “Where do I start?

Where DO I start???

So we discussed a couple of subjects like friendship and the concept of graciousness in winning and defeat when he plays football (also cuddles and how they make you feel good even when you are a ten year old boy who would never publicly admit to such behaviour!), so he could relate and understand, and so he could appreciate that life lessons come from experience and not technology.

I am not sure our discussion gelled. Actually, I wasn’t sure I gave him the correct information, so I googled “how to get a girl to like you” and I can report with great relief, my advice was spot on.

Life lesson #1, Nanny V is always right. #2, some old fashioned ways still apply today (and hopefully never change).

I love one of my children more than the other

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 10 July 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

I'm worried that I love one of my children more than the other. While one is sweet-natured, funny and full of character, the other is sullen and unresponsive. My husband doesn't seem to notice the difference, but to me it's obvious and I find it hard to treat them in the same way. I hate myself for it, but I'd rather spend time with one than the other. How can I stop this cycle?

Patricia Marie says...

If you think favouritism is no big deal - think again. The consequences for both the golden child and the least favourite can last a lifetime. Many adults embark on counselling due to the psychological damage of having either been the rejected, or indeed the favourite sibling. That early message of  "you're the special one " to a child can give a distorted view of themselves and their place in the world. For those parents who show preference and turn a blind eye to inappropriate behaviour, the child can then grow up struggling with rules, as well as lacking in morals and may struggle to find a partner who cherishes and spoils them in the way their parents have.

The least favourite, on the other hand, can go through life never feeling good enough, constantly feeling they are undeserving of love and kindness - often embarking on relationships with partners who treat them poorly.

Step into their world and try to imagine how they are feeling. Indeed, both are victims of your favouritism, and unless you see things more clearly and break the cycle, you could jeopardise any future relationship with them.

Your letter indicates you are feeling guilty for your behaviour -  this recognition is a good step towards promoting positive change. Start by treating your children equally. Lose comparisons and begin celebrating, rather than criticising their differences, as this will allow you the opportunity to turn things around and create a healthy, happy family.
 
And finally, sibling love is unique. Who but your brother or sister remembers, the family rituals, the good, bad and crazy fun times -  all those childhood memories that help to bond this special love. Favouritism can ruin a relationship between siblings, depriving them, sometimes forever, of a precious resource. It is one of the best gifts you, their parent, will ever give them: one another.


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Lullaby

Posted by Nanny Knows Best
Nanny Knows Best
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Monday, 02 June 2014
Chris Parnell is a comedian, a new dad, and a man in love. Like many “manboys” he likes fart and poo jokes, and has managed to pen a completely silly but strangely beautiful lullaby.
I LOVE YOU
The first time that I held you in the hospital I said,
I love you, I love you
You look like Winston Churchill dipped in putty but I said
I love you, I love you.
Now you're living in our house, and all you seem to do
Is sleep and eat and burp and cry and drool and pee and poo.
Which would really make me mad if it were anyone but you,
But I love you, I love you

There's urine on your onesie and there's spit-up on your bib,
But I love you, I love you
Some unknown viscous substance cakes the mattress in your crib,
But I love you, I love you

The solids and the liquids and the gases you let loose,
Are what some massive chemical explosion might produce.
You do it all the time and never offer an excuse
But I love you, I love you

You bother random strangers with your incoherent cries,
You shake your mother's nipples till they're raw,
You lay there doing absolutely nothing and I'm in awe.

Close your eyes and sleep my child until the morning light,
I love you, I love you
That's a joke, I know you'll wake me three more times tonight
But I love you, I love you

And as I lean above you with my pinky in your hand,
Singing words you couldn't possibly begin to understand.
The two things I'll be thinking are that I'm exhausted and,
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you

She doesn't want children

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 15 May 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

I utterly adore my fiancée but she is adamant that she does not want children. When we met three years ago I was OK about that, but I have since changed my mind.

She says she is not the maternal type. I am 34 and she is a year younger. We both have well-paid jobs, so financially it would not be a problem.

Now, when I see our friends with their young children, the thought of not having any makes me feel so sad.

I try to suppress these thoughts but they keep returning. How can I marry the woman I love and have her children?

Patricia Marie says...

The problem is that you have changed your mind but your fiancée hasn't.  At around 30, a woman's biological clock often kicks in as she becomes aware that after 35 her fertility levels can decrease. This doesn't seemed to have happened with your fiancée.

You need to tell her how much you want children. Don't try to pressure her, but discuss why she doesn't want them. She may bring up some interesting points that you may not have considered and could understand better after hearing what she has to say. If she remains adamant that she does not want to have children, you have a decision to make.

What is it is about fatherhood that appeals to you? Are there ways that you can accomplish that without having children of your own? For instance, do you have nieces and nephews you could enjoy spending time with? For many childless couples they can help fill an empty void, bringing the greatest of pleasure to their aunts and uncles.

If you give up your desire for children you could end up resenting your fiancée and regretting that decision deeply. Also, most importantly, do you value having babies more than you value your future with your fiancée? If the answer is yes, sadly, you have to ask yourself, would it be better to end the relationship, and in time find someone you love who does want children? Before making a life-changing decision, you may both benefit from contacting www.bacp.co.uk or www.relate.org.uk for some counselling.


Got a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Devastated by his affair

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 10 April 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

Three months ago I discovered my partner was having an affair - I was devastated. I adored him and thought he felt the same way. He even brought her to our house, though he denies this. I went to see her. She has a long-term partner, but he is completely clueless about the affair - maybe I should tell him. She cried, apologised and said that I was lovely and nothing like my partner had told her, and that he didn't deserve me.

He had been running me down to her and our friends. I don't know which way to turn: there is still love there, but it's not the same. I now check his his phone and e.mails- there is no trust left.

He gets annoyed with me and says I should be 'over it ' and it was a big mistake.

We are both in our 50s and left our long term marriages for each other. I can't face having to sell our house and start again. We are talking about getting married, but would it be marriage for the wrong reason?

Patricia Marie says...

If the person you love has an affair and falls in love with someone else, your world falls apart. Everything you thought you felt and shared with each other is thrown into question, even if they end the affair and say they still love and want to be with you. Alternatively, if they say their lover meant little to them and dismiss them as just a passing fancy, that can be equally devastating. They have put the relationship at risk for some meaningless pleasure. On top of this, he was running you down. It sounds as if he does not love you as much as you love him.

You only discovered his infidelity three months ago, so its quite unreasonable to think you should 'just get over it'. Trust can sometimes be rebuilt, although never easy to regain completely.

He needs to talk about why he had the affair, and show you that he really loves you and sorry for what he's done. If he has a history of affairs, the risks are high and it may be better to end the relationship. If you do decide to marry, it should be because you really want to be with him and he feels the same way, not because you can't face selling up and starting again.



Got a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk 
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

I'm finding celibacy difficult

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Friday, 28 February 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

I love my husband of over twenty years very much, however I'm finding celibacy very difficult. We have not shared any intimacy for well over a year now and I am unsure of how to deal with this. Every time I attempt to be affectionate, he pulls away from me. If I confront him he just walks away. I appreciate he works hard and comes home exhausted, but I do everything to make life as easy as possible for him, yet still he is so distant towards me. We are both in our early fifties, but instead of enjoying life as a husband and wife should be, we have become more like brother and sister. How can I change this?

Patricia Marie says...

If two people are in agreement that they no longer want to make love, they can bond in other ways and still maintain a good relationship. However, if one person no longer wants to, it is frustrating and hurtful for the other.

Your partner is being unfair by dismissing your advances without any explanation, which is causing you to feel rejected. You have every right to insist on hearing why he is behaving this way, if he refuses to talk, write him a letter. A painful question you need to ask is, has he lost all interest in making love, which can be caused by a number of factors including stress, depression and exhaustion, or is it that he no longer wants sex with you because there is a relationship issue? You cannot move forward until you know what the problem is.

He needs to be honest with you about his feelings towards you, understand that your needs aren't being met and and that intimacy is a vital part of keeping a loving link alive. Whatever the outcome, wherever things may have gone wrong, if you both feel this relationship is worth saving, you can start to work together towards a more positive future. Relate offer excellent professional support (relate.org.uk) which may prove helpful to you both. In addition, your G.P could refer you to a sexual therapist for further help.


Got a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows
Dear Patricia Marie,

 I love my husband of over twenty years very much, however I'm finding celibacy very difficult. We have not shared any intimacy for well over a year now and I am unsure of how to deal with this. Every time I attempt to be affectionate, he pulls away from me. If I confront him he just walks away. I appreciate he works hard and comes home exhausted, but I do everything to make life as easy as possible for him, yet still he is so distant towards me.  We are both in our early fifties, but instead of enjoying life as a husband and wife should be, we have become more like brother and sister. How can I change this?

I attract the wrong type of man

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Friday, 14 February 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

I feel that I am almost giving up on the gentleman species. I am thirty going on fifty! The type of men that I seem to meet are not worthy of me and appear to have no future prospects, I have even lowered my standards due to the lack of response. I seem to attract the useless, uncaring, selfish, non-committal man. About me, my friends tell me I'm very attractive, interesting and reliable. I hold a good position at work where I am valued and appreciated... Why can't this extend to my personal life...??!! Please help me.

Patricia Marie says...

You say most of the men you meet are not living up to your expectations, and considering giving up trying to find a partner. Yet, you believe by accepting less out of life, there is more chance of success. Lowering standards displays low self-esteem, which is why you are attracting the unfavourable type not worthy of you. These negative beliefs can arise from bad experiences, or not being valued or understood. In order to love someone, you must be able to love and respect yourself.

Seeing you for who you really are allows your colleagues to show unconditional respect and acceptance, which gives you confidence within your work environment. This can be extended to your personal life if you learn to see yourself in a positive light. Check out the Mind Website (www.mind.org.uk) where you will find useful tips on increasing self-esteem.

To improve your chances of finding a suitable partner, I would also suggest joining a reputable dating site, as well as embarking on some new hobbies or interests, all of which will enhance your social life, and will help gain your confidence and self-worth.

This Valentines day, do remember, whilst you may be without a partner, there are plenty of Valentines days in a lifetime, and many possible people with whom you could eventually fall in love with. Don't make the day about loneliness, make it about love, and even if you are single, perhaps treat yourself to a gift you would like to receive and very much deserve.


Got a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows


Forgot your password?
Click to read our digital edition
Place-Classified-advert-336
TLR-advert-May2014-336

Boarders Dormitory Master-Mistress
We are looking to appoint a Dormitory Mistress/Master for 5 nights per week, weekday evenings and nights only, term time. (35 weeks). [...]

APPLY NOW


Housekeeper to Headmaster
We have an opportunity for an experienced live-out housekeeper. You will provide a cleaning and hospitality service for the Headmaster and his guests and help to ensure the household runs efficiently. [...]

APPLY NOW


Full Time Housekeeper, Nanny
We are looking for a full time, live-out housekeeper/nanny. We are a relaxed young couple living in a large country house, and will have one newborn baby. [...]

APPLY NOW


Experienced Carer, Companion, Housekeeper needed
Our elderly mother needs a live in carer/companion on a part time basis. Must be warm hearted, calm & compassionate, with a good sense of humour. [...]

APPLY NOW


Cook, Housekeeper wanted
Good cooking skills required to cater for light meals for the Principal and a small staff, as well as occasional lunch/dinner parties. [...]

APPLY NOW



MORE JOBS LIKE THESE
Lady-directory-button-NEW

Horoscopes

What the stars have in store for you this week.2017

Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius

Sign up to receive our weekly newsletter