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My Friend Has Cancer

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 09 October 2015
Dear Patricia Marie,

My dear friend found out a few months ago that she has cancer. In a few short months she has changed from a vibrant, feisty woman into a quiet, constantly complaining one.

When I visit her she spends the whole time telling me how hard her life now is, and how unfair it is that she has cancer. She nags her husband and barks out orders to him. She shows no interest in what is happening in my life at all. I try to entertain her with stories or offer to play cards with her, or take her out, but she does not want this.

I don’t know what to do. I feel I have to push myself to visit her, and that makes me feel very sad as we used to be so very close.

Patricia Marie says...

When the threat of severe illness affects a loved one, it isn't always easy for family or friends to know how to deal with the situation. It is perfectly understandable that you are finding it hard to talk to your friend about her feelings and concerns, but if you can allow her to speak about what's making her angry, expressing her feelings may help her to feel better understood. It could be she is feeling anxious and hopeless, causing her to be irritable. She could resent you speaking about a way of life she may no longer have. For now, let your friend lead the conversation, and in time hopefully she will be better able to share your news.

A cancer diagnosis can cause doubts and uncertainty, and the future could seem suddenly dark and unpredictable, which can be very frightening. Your friend's illness may cause her to feel she has lost control in her life. Empower her. Encourage her to decide what she thinks would make her situation more bearable. Perhaps you could both work together on accomplishing even the smallest realistic goals that could have a huge positive impact on the way she feels.

It is very important for you to receive the support and care you are needing at this time. I urge you to call the Macmillan Support Line whose devoted team can advise on ways to help and support those suffering from cancer. Their knowledge and experience will give you a greater understanding of this brutal disease, and enable you to be more empathic of your friend's emotions.

You may have to accept that your friend is unable to be as she was, but the most valuable thing you can do for her now is simply be there for her, no matter how low her mood. Do remember, caring for someone with cancer is a strain, but it can be intensely rewarding and make one feel proud of finding the strength, courage and kindness to help a sufferer going through possibly the toughest battle of their life. Through your compassion you may experience the true value of what's important in life…..both love and life itself.

Macmillan Cancer Support: 0808 808 0000 or macmillan.org.uk/

Babysitters

Posted by Nanny Knows Best
Nanny Knows Best
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on Friday, 27 June 2014
Another long week is over and you are in dire need of a night out. Dinner without someone complaining the carrots are too orange, a non-animated movie, or adult conversation unrelated to offspring is the only cure.

Having children means micro-managing other humans to care for your babies and having the confidence that you will hopefully not receive a call to race to emergency because little Jenny has lodged a chickpea up her nostril, and that when you return home the house is intact and maybe the dishwasher has been emptied by a compassionate soul.

So how do you find this saviour of your emotional and mental state? And where?

Even nannies and regular go-to carers need time off so out comes your list.

1. Grandparents adore your mini-me possibly more than you do at times. But they live too far/ already have plans/aren’t responsible enough to put them to bed before delirium ensues. You appreciate their unconditional love and patience but the aftermath is almost too exhausting.

2. Other friends with kids with whom you can trade sitting nights, much like the barter system. However, beware to choose your candidates carefully as you might just get lumped with agitators so insufferable you will need to immediately sever contact with their entire clan.

3. Friends without offspring uninformed and idealistic about the bewitching bed time hours have a romantic image they will be baking biscuits with no mess or playing only 15 minutes of ninja battles. You may never hear from these “friends” ever again.

4. Local teenagers in need of pocket money are always eager and usually available at short notice (it’s how I started my fledgling career), though their value may be more inflated than you may initially imagine. A well-stocked larder for their insatiable stomachs, at the very least, Wi-Fi when they are ignoring your children because it’s the end of the world if they are offline even for a nanosecond, and the inevitable lift home when all you want to do is crash in bed before the dawn wake-up.

5. Your partner is a final option if it’s a girl’s/boy’s night out. This situation is wrought with all sorts of conundrums so I suggest you channel your inner 5-star general when laying out the game plan.

You love your babies and would lay down your life for their happiness but remember to make time for your own. Sanity and happiness sometimes takes mammoth energy to succeed.


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