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I think my husband is having an affair

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 07 August 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

Please help. I fear that my husband of 15 years marriage is having an affair.

He is spending so many extra hours at work, including weekends, and pays me very little attention when he is at home. He has become very possessive over his mobile phone and bank statements.

One day last week he failed to come home at all. He said he'd spent all night in the office, though I later found a receipt for a hotel and for a meal for two people. When I asked him about this he claimed he'd had dinner with a co-director, but I'm not so sure. I'm still so in love with him, and am scared of losing him. How do I go about confronting him?

Patricia Marie says...

It seems to me after questioning your husband about his whereabouts and the change in his behaviour, you are trusting your instinct rather than believing what he says.

You need to make it clear to your husband that you need to have a proper talk and be honest with each other. Make him aware of how unhappy he is making you feel by the lack of attention he shows you, and the secrecy he displays which is causing you to feel insecure. He may be under the impression you are accepting of this and have no idea of your concerns.

Have you avoided confronting him because you may not want to hear what he has to say, or is it that if he confesses to you that he has met someone else, the situation becomes real?

Until you talk to him about how you are feeling, and open up to him, you won't be able to move forward with this.

Listen to what he has to say, it may be that he's not being disloyal at all. You seem to have drifted apart, which is typical of many relationships when there is no communication. When this happens couples don't recognise each other anymore.

You say you adore him, so whatever the outcome, wherever it has gone wrong, if you both feel the relationship is worth saving you can start to work together towards a more positive future.

I believe you may benefit from some professional help. Ask him to go to Relate with you for some counselling sessions, which could prove helpful (

Have a dilemma? Please email  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows


Posted by Nanny Knows Best
Nanny Knows Best
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on Monday, 14 October 2013
I’ve always wondered if the inspiration for the lyrics for the Police song, “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” came to Sting in the nursery.

The gurgling noise may sound like nonsense and gibberish but don’t be too quick to disregard the importance of the sounds babies and young children make.

Baby music is a great introduction for words and melodies. However, you should also make the effort to turn off the stereo whilst driving and listen to the youngster strapped in the back seat. Or when young Daniel is happily babbling during play time, you can always start a conversation of sorts.

Engaging a child through sound supports their communication. It also gives you a window into their world. Young humans are social beings and keen to connect with others around them. They enjoy hearing you talk to them and also love to be heard. No matter how young, the practise of a two-way dialogue gives a child the chance to respond to what you say and then stop so that it is your turn again.

This exercise helps build their understanding and eventually, language skills. It will show them that you are interested and that they are worth listening to.

Although babies also communicate through crying, body language, facial expressions, behaviour, actions and play, it is never too early to start a conversation.

Miss G was a slow talker and at three was still struggling to verbalise her thoughts. In a way her brain had to work with lateral concepts to convey her expressions. One day she tried to tell me she wanted something specific to eat. We opened the cupboards and fridge and I named all the items I thought she might be interested in.

Completely frustrated, she went to her toy box and returned with her camera, put it to her face and sounded out “ch”. CHEESE. Of course! She knew the word but could not complete the sound. (When she did eventually find her voice in the months to come, she prattled on and became an incessant talker. She is now studying Journalism at university.)

Children need time to process thoughts and responses to you. They have all sorts of opinions and insights. Take the time to listen and you will let them know that you respect their ideas. And you might just learn something new yourself.

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