Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email

My husband and our daughter aren't speaking

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 03 July 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

My husband and our daughter aren't speaking. The problem was that her boyfriend from university came to stay in the new year, and my husband caught him coming out of the bedroom. There was a terrible row and they left early and now she said she's not coming to see us in the summer. My husband feels he was right to 'uphold standards'- I say he's being unreasonable. What do you think?

Patricia Marie says...

It's hard for dads to accept their little girls have grown up and now love someone other than them, so I can sympathise with him. Most parents at some time have to face this dilemma and the only way to resolve this is for both parties to communicate in a mature way and be able to compromise.

You might have said 'not under our roof' and that would have been acceptable. But you then should have listened to their side of the argument - points such as they're over 18, have a physical relationship and may even live together at university. I would have recognised this and offered them the option of a shared room, as by offering them separate beds you won't feel like you are running a love hotel and not forcing them to sneak about either. However way you view the behaviour of the boyfriend, I feel sure he would rather not be having to hide away.

At this moment they have now taken another option  - not to visit a Victorian father who considers his daughter a fallen woman and her boyfriend dishonourable. However difficult the situation seems at this moment, negotiations and mutual apologies might resolve this. I do hope so.

Have a dilemma? Please email  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows
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