Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email

I'm being humiliated by my married lover

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 16 October 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

I'm being humiliated by my married lover. He and I work together and have been meeting for sex since 2011. Everyone in the office knows about us - his wife is the only one who doesn't. But now he has started to see a younger colleague. He's taking her out for drinks and I'm sure they are sleeping together, even though he denies it. As well as having to endure the most dreadful atmosphere in the office,  I am now getting lots of amusement, pity, and total lack of respect from other members of staff, which I can't bear. How could he do this to me? What is wrong with him?

Patricia Marie says...

As you function in your own little world at work, married people may not seem very married, but the reality is, they are. Serious involvement with a married colleague means a future that is either very limited or very complicated. Nevertheless, there are times when those in failing relationships embark on another within the work place, and against the odds secure a happy ending - after all, we can't always help who we fall in love with.

However, in your case, I'm sorry to say, your married lover sounds like a Casanova. Some people are serial lovers and not happy unless they make regular conquests. They attract the vulnerable with their flattery and charm. However, once the thrill of the chase is over, they become bored and then its on to their next victim. This must be painfully obvious to your colleagues who are able to see right through him, hence, the tension you are feeling at work.  Naturally, now that your your lover is paying attention to another woman you are feeling angry and betrayed. But a man who can cheat on his wife can cheat on his lover too. Remember that saying "when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy".

He has never made any proper commitment to you and his latest escapade should come as no surprise. Do not continue to feed this man's ego for a minute longer by showing you care. Instead, retrieve your dignity by finishing with him. As well as helping to regain the trust and respect of your co-workers, it will enable you to draw a line on this declining situation and find someone new who is worthy of you.

Have a dilemma? Please email  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows
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