Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email

I am scared my ex-friend will reveal all

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Friday, 30 October 2015
Dear Patricia Marie,
I have been having some problems in my marriage, and a couple of weeks ago did something really stupid - I had a one night stand. Apart from the fact that I know what I did was wrong, and that I have broken the trust my husband placed in me, I now have added anguish as I was seen leaving the hotel with the man by an ex-friend of mine. She is a spiteful, jealous woman and very capable of wrecking my marriage by disclosing my tryst. I am totally unable to sleep, and keep conjecturing how much damage it will do if she tells my husband.

The fear has made me realise just how much I want to work at my marriage and make it good again. What can I possibly do now to save it, and will my husband ever trust me again?

Patricia Marie says...

This woman is not worth the fear and anxiety she is causing you. Act now. To not tell your husband about your one night stand, could cause him to never trust you again, which is why I believe you need to confess.

Explain the reasons for your behaviour, apologise profusely for the hurt you have caused, and let him know how much you wish to save your faltering marriage. But don't expect him to forgive quickly, as he may well feel devastated and need time to consider his feelings. By communicating honestly, hopefully in time the effect will be to create a sense of closeness, and ultimately replace suspicion with trust.

Nevertheless, the reasons why you embarked on the one night stand need to be addressed. Many people become unfaithful for escapism, a need to prove one's attractiveness or worth, or just because they crave the excitement they can no longer experience in their relationship. All too often outside liaisons begin because of a general sense of dissatisfaction within a marriage.

Infidelity is often a symptom, not a cause, for problems in a relationship, and enlightening your partner may force you to address the underlying issues. Of course you are overwhelmed by guilt, but marriage is a partnership, and both of you have to take responsibility for making it work. Something has clearly gone wrong, and your confession may be the catalyst the two of you need to create a fresh start and make necessary changes.

For professional support and guidance, Relate offer a couples counselling service, which you may find beneficial.

Relate: 0300 100 1234
0 votes
  • Print

Recent posts

Passenger Romance

Dear Patricia Marie,I have developed a bit of a liking for a man who I see most mornings on the train on my way to work. I catch the same train every ...

Forgot your password?
Click to read our digital edition

Boarders Dormitory Master-Mistress
We are looking to appoint a Dormitory Mistress/Master for 5 nights per week, weekday evenings and nights only, term time. (35 weeks). [...]


Housekeeper to Headmaster
We have an opportunity for an experienced live-out housekeeper. You will provide a cleaning and hospitality service for the Headmaster and his guests and help to ensure the household runs efficiently. [...]


Full Time Housekeeper, Nanny
We are looking for a full time, live-out housekeeper/nanny. We are a relaxed young couple living in a large country house, and will have one newborn baby. [...]


Experienced Carer, Companion, Housekeeper needed
Our elderly mother needs a live in carer/companion on a part time basis. Must be warm hearted, calm & compassionate, with a good sense of humour. [...]


Cook, Housekeeper wanted
Good cooking skills required to cater for light meals for the Principal and a small staff, as well as occasional lunch/dinner parties. [...]




What the stars have in store for you this week.2017

Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius

Sign up to receive our weekly newsletter